God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
