so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
