I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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