If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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