i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
