Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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