It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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