You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
