And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
