Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
