My girlfriend figured out who you are.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
