So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
