It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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