I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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