Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
