Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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