He is an equal opportunity slut.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
