While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
