1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
