Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to calm my uterus...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
