butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
