so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
