she looked like the before picture.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
