You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize