This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Found the puke drawer
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
