My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
