just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
