One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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