eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Too much gin, very little bucket
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
