i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize