Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
