One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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