well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
