So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
