i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
