And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
