so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
