me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
