when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
