grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Soap is not a condiment
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
