apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
