There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize