Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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