Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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