worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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