why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
