We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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