Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
