No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
