I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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