I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
