Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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