ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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