Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
