enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need a beard to bite.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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