Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you still have your period?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
