He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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