my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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