my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
