Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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