Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
