My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
