party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
