No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
