I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
