we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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