Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
