wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
