I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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