I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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