I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Are my feet made of real feet?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
